Pre-Christmas Stress 

To do: 

Overtime at work.

Present shopping.

Food shopping.

Present wrapping.

Furnish living room.

Put Christmas tree up. 

Send cards to neighbours.

Send cards to family.

Paint spare room and hallway.

Endure several social events.

Find a job.

Find some way out of this place.

Survive.

I’m struggling at work today. I’ve started a new nutritious diet/weight loss/fitness plan and for some reason, that I cannot understand, it is depriving me of sleep. I’m snoozing into my energising smoothie in a pathetic attempt to wake myself up!

I have so much to do and so very little time, I’m avoiding some events because the thought of socialising with even more people I don’t like/don’t like me is so exhausting on it’s own. I’m promising myself that this time next year I won’t be here and I won’t have to socialise with these horrible people for another Christmas. It seems so out of reach being able to leave here and I just keep reaching further in the hope that it is not just me and that it is the job unavailability in the area where I live that is at fault for my unfortunate search for a miracle.

At the rate I’m going I’ll be commuting to London in desperation to be accepted by somebody. The length of my search is doing nothing for my mind and staying awake planning my own business or wishing to win the lottery is scarring my face with eye bags and rapid ageing.

When you’re in education you’re boosted with so much confidence you think you can go anywhere, do anything, mine has worn off and I’m not sure if that means I should go back and start from the beginning or if that ship has long sailed and that I should accept my circumstances.

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