I’ve managed to successfully stress myself out so much that all I can hear is a high pitch noise in my ear and it was over something relatively insignificant. I went crazy over the fact that I had walked in after my terrible Saturday shift, (that was so bad it filled me with more determination to seek employment in a totally different field) and immediately smell a drain turning out to be a clogged kitchen sink, plates and pots and pans stacked high on the counter and a man who has been at home all day asleep on the sofa.
I don’t think I have ever been so livid over how dull and predictable my life has become. I could have easily packed a suitcase and left the place behind and still may, the evening is young.
I’m currently sitting on a supermarket car park contemplating dyeing my hair a drastic colour because it is truly the single thing that I seem able to change right now. I just can’t seem to get my issues to budge now matter how hard I try and no matter how hard I wish.
I need to be independent from him to shake this feeling of imprisonment I get when I’m chained to the sink washing dishes or the oven cooking his meals. I cannot become independent on a non existent salary and a lack of self respect.
He’ll ask me, I know he will, “what have I done?” And I’ll be so sick to death of hearing it. It’s not what he has done, it’s what he never does and what he should do. I’m not talking about housework, I mean everything. He procrastinates at life and is dragging me along with him for company on this non-existence we’re both sharing. I don’t know how much longer I can live feeling this way.