On the morning of the 7th June 2017 my partner brought me breakfast in bed while I rolled about on my crisp white bed linens looking out at the sunny morning in a state of rare contentment. In exchange I made him tea. He made plans to take us to the city, so I showered and started to get myself ready, in the meantime he told me he needed to visit the local builders merchant.
Once he returned he found me head first in my wardrobe looking for my shoes, and handed me the most beautiful bouquet of pink and red roses. I already felt so special but felt that he’d made far more effort than me on our anniversary. I felt a pang of guilt for my lack of thought but last year all we did was eat take away and watch a movie, I honestly thought that our time of extravagance was over now that we have the house to deal with.
I was ready to go to the city, dressed for winter as the glorious grey clouds of the British summer had descended upon us, just about to leave the house, he called me into the living room (our one finished room).
He asked me if I’d had a good morning, of course I said yes, I was already so happy and no negative thoughts had entered my mind once. Then as he got down on one knee, I think I was prepared to walk away thinking he was making fun of me. I can’t remember how he said it, I think he addressed me by my full name but I’m not sure, all I was thinking was ‘he’s joking don’t get excited’.
After quite of while of debating whether he was making fun of me in my head, I said yes. Then went off to the city to choose my ring, the rest was a strange blur of coffee breaks and jewellery shops, I was amazed that I could take the ring home the same day.
I chose a simple solitaire in white gold. It suits me, it’s not too extravagant but is most definitely a quality diamond that blinds me in certain lights if I look at it for too long.
I never thought that I would be this happy from a few small gestures but it feels surreal in the way that I’ve realised that this is what I wanted, and that life is now moving forward instead of stagnating in the present. I have something to look forward to, something to work for, to save for which does wonders for my depression. To have something positive to focus on is just what I need right now at the edge of another breakdown at work, and with unfortunate current affairs. A little happy news may just help me through it.