I honestly don’t know. I’m not what I would describe as surviving in the world, I feel like I’m constantly sinking and floating further away from what is good for me and closer to dementia. My mind is not exercised to its limit here rifling through junk all day. I need more, I know that I need more. I so desperately need to feel important, to feel needed and a necessary part of a vital team, not a speck on the payroll.
I feel so capable of affecting change, of truly helping people instead of helping line a mans pocket who takes all the credit for the tasks I completed with my broken body. He’ll throw us an email every now and again with a half hearted “thank you” and even sometimes a “well done”, the following week he’ll be in the papers, preened and smug, never having to lift a finger to boost his sales, just promise us a couple of pence more for thousands of pounds of profits.
I’m not smart like him, savvy and business minded would never have been a way of describing me. Determination was never a trait of mine, nor confident and I’m afraid that there is no place for me in this world, other than to have children and burden them when I’m old.